Evil Food: Eggs are Weird!

Eggs are stupid…well, thinking what animal creates eggs, no surprised at all! I eat them, both eggs and chicken, but i think that nature sometimes can be pretty creative. Everything in nature is predictable, but not eggs. Those delicious ingrediant drives me crazy since the day i started to eat like a decent human being.

Name every food. No matter how weird it might be. If you eat it raw or cooked they will taste and look more like the same. Then eggs came into the world. I’m sure that once they appear on Earth they take a look around and they thought, with their characteristic suspicoius look in the eyes “Oh, why don’t we start to be creative when those stupid biped creature will cook us? It will be so funny!” And then here i am, thousand years later, looking maybe even more stupid writing something about eggs and my traumatic experience!

Everything started when i was young, really young. My mom used to cook scrumble egg, because it was for me easy to eat, i wans’t so cool with forks and spoons and she was pretty tired to clean my mess everytime i ate pasta. So, i was actually convinced that eggs were that tasty and yellow mass…no suspicious at all that the might be something else. And my life was good, until one day my mom cooked a omelette. I was schocked. “What on Earth is that!” i thought i my mind, without saying a word. Apparently my mom had superpower and she aswered me: “they are eggs, but cooked differently!” What? Are you seriousy woman? Can you transform every food in the kithcen? In that moment i wasn’t sure if my mom was a witch, if was too stupid or the world was making fun of me. I ate them, they were delicious by the way, but still i was caught off guard.

Something even weirder happened few times later and that event turned my innocence childhood upside down. I was with my mom at the market and i saw her picking those package with inside eight oval and white thing. I didn’t know what it was and i asked her “What’s inside, mommy?” and she told me “inside there are eight eggs!” “No, wait a second! It’s not possible” i thought, completely in shocked. “How long are eggs oval?” i asked her. because the last time i ate them they were definetely not oval, but a undefine thing on my dish. Looking my face and my surprised all over it, she told me: “Well, they are oval, but then i cook them!” Yes, i started to think that my mom was a witch indeed.

Then i grew up and i realised how stupid i was…and still am. I am almost thirty and i still think that eggs are stupid. Think about it: they have a shell, like lot of other vegetables, but inside are liquid like any other vegetable or fruit; raw eggs are not eatable, but the other vegetables are; if you cook a tomato, it will still look almost like a tomato, but an egg looks different, completely different. I mean, are you kidding me? Why eggs must be so rebellious! You have no idea how many adults had a difficult childhood because of those evil food.

We have to stop eggs to be so stupid! Are you oval? Just be oval from the very beginning. It’s not acceptable that ypu, my dear egg, do whatever you want, destroying my little and fragile brain It’s not fair!

#EggsMustBeOval

Mauro.

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