Vodka: The Ultimate Weapon!!

I’m not a drinker mylsef…at least not now! I used to drink when i was with my friends and i used to drink a lot of stuff. And i could actually magage the drunkenness pretty well. But I will never forget the first experience I have had with Vodka. It was dramatic!

I was 16 or 17 years old. My memories of that night are not so clear even today. I remember that i was together with some friend in a hot summer night and we had with us a couple of bottle of drinks. Now I don’t remember exactly which and how many bottle there were on the table, but I remember distinctly that there was vodka between all of them.

I think I was pretty tipsy, but not drunk. My throat and my brain needed some water, both to have a break from all the alcool and because all of a sudden i felt the heat come out from my body. On the table I saw those little glasses with inside a transparent liquid. Now i can telly you that they were “Vodka shots”, but my brain thought in that monent that it was water. I did the only worng think i could do: i took one and I drank it without even check that it was water for real. It was a very bad idea: not only my throat was on fire like California in the Summer, but also I have my esophagus and stomach boiling. It was a moment of panic, because something like that never happened to me before. It’s even hard to describe that moment in words, but that specific situation was, is and always will be on my mind.

Since that moment i hate Vodka and I am sure it was invented for one reason: make others suffer. There’s no explanation. Why someone should create somethin that taste like pure evil? There’s no taste at all, if you a lighter you can actually burn it and once you drink it your entire body will start a journey to hell and back! I know that in Russia one needs something strong to resist to the freezing cold, but Vodka is pretty much too far. How could russian people drink it like it was normal? What do they have instead of a human digestive system? Iron?

I am sure that Vodka was also created to win battles without even fight. Think about it: it’s transparent like water, from distance doesn’t have any kind of smell, but when you drink it your brain turn suddenly off!! I am sure that Napoleon and Hitler have lost against Russia because there were Russian spies inside their armies, that have changed the water in the water bottles with Vodka. History said that the winter was the reason why Napoleon and Hitler lost, but how cool would have been if the reason was because the soldier were both too drunk to even stand up and the following hangover?? At least we would have no dead to cry over, but only drunk men with no motor skills!!

I am kidding, of course! Vodka is the only drink the world know from Russia. Actually it’s funny that when we think about Russia we think about freezing weather, Vodka and Comunism. There only few other country where Drinks define a Country in the rest of the world: Cuba, Japan and Germany and Italy. Apart from the jokes, Vodka has a very long story and it’s actually part of the russina culture. It’s pretty tasty, if one drinks it with caution, there are several producers and tastes and one can use it even to cook wonderful dishes. But one could change the colour, because whenone is drunk, you can cunfuse it with water…and it’s not cool!

Спасибо, Россия, за то, что заставила меня почувствовать ад в животе (Thank you Russia for making me feel hell in my stomach). I really appreciate that!

Mauro.

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